Christmas is fast approaching and we're slowly getting ready for it. Alison is so excited. Her dance class is part of the Christmas recital, so she's working hard learning the dance routine, and she's also learning the song her class will sing in the church Christmas pageant. Yesterday Kevin put the Christmas tree up while she was taking her nap. She jumped and danced around when she saw it, shrieking and laughing. "Look at that Christmas tree!" This morning the tree had lights on it and she was over the moon. We hit the mall yesterday and knocked a bunch of people off our shopping list. Most of the adults are taken care of. We still have a few to shop for and we need to hit the toy store to shop for the kids. I was surprised at how tired walking around in the mall for a couple of hours made me. I passed out in the reclinder while watching my soap yesterday afternoon. I've got dough for 4 kinds of Christmas cookies mixed up....2 kinds are in the freezer and 2 are in the fridge chilling so I can finish the prep work and then get them in the freezer until I'm ready to bake. I have 4 more kinds of cookies I plan to make. I have Christmas cards to get ready to send out, but I'm still debating on whether or not to put our family Christmas picture in them or just pictures of Alison. Would it seem strange to get a picture of a happy, smiling family in light of what has just happened? I don't know. We had the pictures taken over a month ago. We get them taken early so that pictures of Alison can be included with the presents going to my family in Maryland when my brother goes there to go hunting after Thanksgiving. Way back before we knew there was a problem with the baby I had planned to have the pictures taken as usual and then include a separate picture of the baby (a hospital picture or something like that). So we just kept with that plan, but there is no Matthew to include a picture of. so I'm not sure what to do.....

I'm beginning to wonder if we are ever going to have a happy Christmas again. Two years ago Alison had pneumonia and my grandfather died on Christmas morning. We had barely gotten out of bed when the call came. Last year things started out ok, but before we had a chance to open presents (my mom had to work, so we waited until she got home) the call came that Kevin's father had died. Matthew would have been a month old this Christmas, but he's gone now, too. So once again we're left with going through the motions for Alison's sake.