We got the results of Matthew's karyotype today. Everything was normal....46xy. We had already talked with the doctor, while I was still in the hospital, about the risk of recurrence if this was the result we got and he said that between the recurrence risk of this and SB, he'd still say we had at least a 90% chance of having a normal pregnancy. That being said, he's also going to talk to doctors at U of M to see what they think.

When Matthew's problems were first diagnosed, I said never again. I wanted to come home and clean out all the leftover meds in my closet...just get rid of everything. Kevin said not to, especially if they didn't expire right away, because we might need them again. I said no way. I'm never going to go through this again. This is it...I'm done. And I really believed that, for the next 6 or 8 weeks.

That's when we approached the time when most pregnancies with Matthew's heart problems usually end. And then I started considering the possibility of trying again, thinking that I could have 6 months to recover and get back in shape if the pregnancy ended then and we tried again in the spring. But Matthew hung on and that potential recovery period got shorter and shorter. And the desire to try again got stronger and stronger. Right now, all I can think about is when can we start our first FET cycle.

I know that Matthew is gone, and a new baby couldn't ever replace him. I just want the chance to have everything go right, because let's face it, things didn't exactly go right with Alison either. I want the chance to be excited about being pregnant for more than just the first 18 or 19 weeks. I want to be able to be excited about giving birth, not scared to death because I don't know what to expect, or maybe because I do. I just want the chance to be "normal."