Today we went to meet with the funeral director. I'm glad that I sat in on the memorial preparations for my grandfather two years ago. It kind of prepared me for what we had to do this morning. We signed the paperwork to have Matthew creamated. We provided the necessary information to put his obituary in the paper (it will be in Wednesday's paper). We picked out a small "urn." It will be a small wooden block with a teddy bear engraved on it. We ordered copies of his death certificate. We're not planning to have a service, so we didn't have that to deal with.

The funeral director said something interesting. He said he knew that we were going to be all right in time because we have acknowledged that this is happening. We gave Matthew a name and took the time to make arrangements like putting an obit in the paper. He said the moms that scare him are the ones that go through this and don't name the baby and try to pretend like it never happened.

Sometimes I wish I could be one of those moms who pretend it never happened. Then I could just go on my merry way and resume my normal life. But that's not how it is. I can't just ignore the fact that Matthew was here and now he's not.