Well, I did it

Actually, I did two things. The first thing I did was get my hopes up, the worst thing I think a woman dealing with infertility can do. After dealing with infertility for four years before finally getting pregnant with Alison, you'd think I'd know better. But some odd things happened during the "two week wait" this time, and I stupidly allowed myself to dare to hope and from there went right on in to thinking this really could be it. But AF showed herself right on time and now I have to assume that PMS will now include bouts of nausea, hot flashes, night sweats, being hungry all the time and extreme fatigue, rather than just the usual irritability, one day where I can't keep my eyes open in the afternoon and end up taking a nap on the couch and fanatical housekeeping that I normally have. Why I would even think that our circumstances would have changed enough to enable us to get pregnant the old fashioned way, I'll never know.

And this all brings me to the second thing I did. I called and made an appointment to talk to our infertility doctor about doing in vitro again. The appointment is next Monday. I'm a little bit worried that, because of everything we went through with Alison (the fact that she has SB and I/we had fetal surgery), he'll tell us we can't do in vitro again. While I can't say that I'm looking forward to going through the process (I think I'll speak to that in another entry) it would be very upsetting not to be able to at least try again. In actuality, I can't really see why we wouldn't be able to do it. Many of the FS4SB moms have gone on to have more children. One has even had twins since the surgery. At any rate, if we get the go ahead, at least this time it won't be quite so expensive. Our insurance has changed since the last time and we now have coverage for infertility. Granted it's only $2500 lifetime, which (probably) won't even cover a third of the cost, but it's better than nothing, right? So, the appointment's made and now we wait.

Just my luck :(

I went to the dentist yesterday. It was bad news/good news kind of visit. The bad news.... the reason my recently filled tooth hurts excruciatingly every time I chew something hard (which I don't do on purpose) is because I happened to bite something in just such a way that I cracked the whole darn tooth from front to back. So, guess who's getting a crown. I have one on one of my front teeth (the end result of breaking it when I was in third grade). That was pretty easy because it's right in the front of my mouth. This one will be on the second tooth from the back. Complicating matters is the fact that I have a small mouth. Oh yeah, there's also a possibility that I could end up needing a root canal on that tooth, too. I've had one of those before, too, and I really hope I won't need one again.

The good news was that my spring aligner was ready. I first got it about 8 years ago, or so, and it really did a great job closing up the gap in my front teeth (which opened up after I stopped wearing the retainer I had after braces). Then several things happened and I quit wearing it. By the time I felt like wearing it again, I couldn't get it in my mouth because it didn't fit anymore. I avoided the dentist for several years because I didn't want him yelling at me for letting all that work go down the drain. I finally went in for a check-up a few months ago and he had me bring the retainer in and sure enough, it didn't fit. He nicely agreed to take a new mold and try and refit it. Which he did. I got it back yesterday and it's already working. My teeth really hurt!! I have to wear it pretty much 24/7, except when eating and things like that. I'm still in that "Cindy Brady" phase where I lisp pretty badly, but I'm hoping I adjust to it quickly. Hopefully the gap in my teeth will be (pretty much) closed up by the time we get around to getting Christmas pictures taken this year.

Looking for a place to belong

I'm searching for a place to really belong and I don't think such a place exists.

I recently joined a mail list for families that have had fetal surgery for Spina Bifida (henceforth known as FS4SB). They are a great group of people, several of whom we met at the Fetal Surgery reunion two weekends ago, but it seems they are all dealing with things that we don't have to worry about (at least not right now, maybe not ever). There is a lot of discussion about bracing, wheelchairs, walkers and crutches, physical therapy, meds for dealing with bladder issues, and stuff like that. Today a discussion popped up about late talkers, and how many of the kids have been delayed in that area. Alison doesn't wear (and has never worn) braces and she doesn't need a wheelchair, walker or crutches. She started walking at 15 months. At this point, she hasn't needed physical therapy either, and though she may get a referral for it soon, it's to deal with her in-toeing right foot, not to strenghthen her body so she might one day be able to walk. At this point, there are no real bladder issues. Her urologist saw her last year, at 16 months, and isn't expecting to see us again until she's 3. As for talking, by 18 months she had a 60 word vocabulary and could even string together a couple of 2 and 3 word sentences. I feel that I have nothing in common with these people except that Alison has SB and we had FS4SB.

I also post on an AOL board for moms of kids born in Sept. 2002 (ok, so Alison was born in August, but she was due in September and I've been posting there since I was pregnant, before FS4SB). Again, a great group of women. It gives me an idea of what the average 2 year old should be doing. Alison just had an evaluation with Early On yesterday and, without even adjusting for prematurity, she is at a 2 year old level in all developmental areas tested, including gross motor skills. I have everything in common with these women except that Alison has SB we had FS4SB.

So I feel like I'm caught between two worlds. For the most part, we treat Alison like a regular kid because for the most part she is a regular kid. Most people who see her have no idea that she has SB. And I've actually, recently, forgotten to tell people who probably need to know (like people working in the church nursery when our nursery supervisor isn't there) because I don't think about that much anymore. But that doesn't change the fact that she does have SB. And I feel we should probably become more involved in the SB community. But at the same time, I feel guilty because we don't have to deal with what everyone else does. So I'm back to looking for a place to really belong....

Doesn't Know Her Own Strength

Alison broke her rocking chair this morning. That would be her antique, family heirloom, pass it from family member to family member when they have a baby rocking chair. I was running the sweeper in the living room and she had gone down to her bedroom. The next thing I know, she's back in the living room holding a piece of wood. It slowly dawned on me that it was a spindle of some sort. Then I realized, with a sick feeling, that it was from her rocking chair. I grabbed it and ran to her room. Yep, it was a spindle from the arm of the chair. And I have no idea how we're going to fix it because it's broken off flush with both the seat and the underside of the arm. I suspect that it may have been broken before at some point because she's only two. She's not so strong that she can just cleanly rip a spindle out of the arm of a chair, but then again she was probably pulling on it to get herself up into the chair. So now I have to see if we can somehow fix it ourselves or find someplace to take it to get it fixed. At least we aren't in any hurry to get it fixed. My older cousin is done having kids and her brother and my brother aren't married yet. It should stay in our possession for at least another year. But still......I can't believe she broke the chair!!!